What My Father-in-Law Taught Me


By Beau Crosetto

A lot of time we, as leaders, don’t do what we need to do because we don’t like doing it.

I think this is a growing trend today especially with all the “focus on your strengths” material that is circulating our country.

But my father-in-law (Steve) and I had a great discussion today about doing things that you don’t want to do so you can go to the next level in your leadership and organization.


He told me a great story about bench pressing and he said that when he was younger and 180lbs in weight, his goal was to bench over 300lbs. Wow! One day when he was working out with a friend, his friend said,

“Why don’t you ever work on your biceps?”

Steve told his friend that he hated working on his biceps and therefore doesn’t do it. Plus why does it matter? A good bench comes from strong triceps because benching is a pushing motion not a pulling one.

But his friend said,

“No you have to work on your biceps too to complete your arm strength. It will take your bench to another level.”

So Steve started working on his biceps and in due time he could bench over 300lbs. He told me this story, and many people he trains, because his point is that if you want to grow as a leader sometimes you have to do the things you hate doing to get to the next level. Most leaders just work on what they like doing.

While the “make your strengths productive and your weaknesses irrelevant” idea makes a lot of sense, so does “you are only as strong as your weakest link” idea.

Barrel Example

I think of the “barrel” example and it goes like this:

When you have a barrel the water can only rise as high as the lowest piece of wood. If the planks are not at the same height, then the water will only fill as a high as the lowest one and then start leaking out.

In our leadership we want to focus on strengths of course, and make those better. But if we have some serious weaknesses in our life and we don’t “raise” those up, we will leak.

Sometimes the things we don’t want to do or work on are the very things that will raise our leadership.

So that of course got me thinking about apostolic, prophetic and evangelistic leaders. I am wondering in a general sense what are some things that A.P.E. type people may struggle with and not really like doing, but are integral in growing healthily and successfully as a leader?

5 Things A.P.E.s hate doing but need to do

Here are four points I can think of but I would love to hear in the comments what are some things you as an A.P.E. leader don’t like doing but know you need to do.


This is generalized but because A.P.E. leaders are more the catalytic kind and like “doing things” and being active, it is hard for us to stop and be silent and reflective.

Studying the bible deeply

Because we like to do, train, disciple, start things, preach, etc, we have trouble carving out the time to just sit down and chew on scripture and study DEEP. We may study, but we study just enough to get what we need to train.

Intercession prayer

Almost every A.P.E. leader I talk to has trouble doing intercessory prayer on their own. Now prophetic people may be better at this but for the most part we would be rather praying with someone or doing what we are praying about.


Do I even need to write anything here? ☺
But being unorganized can lead to distrust on a team and sloppy leadership.

Growing in Pastoring/shepherding skills

Just because we are the more catalytic and generative gifts in the body of Christ doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pastor people and really love them for who they are. Many A.P.E. have some rough shepherding skills that need work for affective leading.

What would you add to the list of “needs to be done, but don’t like doing”?

Please comment!

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About Beau Crosetto

Beau is the author of "Beyond Awkward: when talking about Jesus is outside your comfort zone". He is called by God is to raise up and release people that want to start new ministries (apostolic) as well as people that want to share their faith (evangelists). He currently is the Greater Los Angeles Director for Greek InterVarsity and in charge of specifically seeing new Greek (fraternity & sorority) InterVarsity chapters start on college campuses. Beau is married to Kristina and they have three kids: Noah (7), Sophia (5) and Wesley (3).


  1. Hey Beau,
    At some point or another, I’ve wrestled with all the ones that you’ve listed above. More recently, though, I’ve struggled with studying the Bible deeply and doing administration. Because I’m simultaneously pastoring and going through seminary, studying Scripture can start to feel a lot like homework, so carving out time to just let it sink in takes an extra level of discipline and the reminder that in these pages are the words of life. Where else can I go? (John 6:68-69).

    The second one that I struggle with is administration. I’ve never quite figured out how to work with this one. Of all the things that you mentioned, admin is routinely the most difficult. So, any advice on growing in this area? Helpful tips?

    Thanks for posting:)


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